Death smacked into my back door tonight. I sat at the table paying bills and feeling apathetic about life. (Bills somehow do that to me.) When suddenly I heard a thwump behind me and my heart froze. I was home alone. But when I looked out of the back sliding glass door, my heart immediately thawed and then it sank. A little sparrow had crashed into the window and lay on the ground, dazed.
At first, I thought it would be ok. I could see a little movement. I cheered the sparrow on in my mind. Come on little bird, shake it off. But time slowed down, wrapped our two souls in a blanket, and I watched it die.
I remember when my Grandma was dying. She’d been failing for a while and we knew the end was near. So I drove to Idaho with my Mom to be with her in the final hours. Moments in life can be so singular. Our family gathered around our Matriarch and we talked to her. We laughed over cherished memories and cried with each other. My grandma had experienced a stroke, so she couldn’t talk back to us. But your eyes can say everything when your mouth doesn’t.
When the time came and she was actually dying, I left the room. I went down to the lobby to wait for other family members. The thought of actually seeing Grandma leave hurt. So I didn’t watch. But the pain came anyway. Later, seeing the body was fine. I had seen other dead people. I knew that wasn’t her anymore. But those milliseconds that hover between life and death, it’s like they create a singularity. The distance between worlds is so thin but it stretches so far.
And tonight I was caught up in another event horizon of time. I sat in my kitchen but I was really back at a hospital in Rexburg, Idaho. The choice loomed before me again. Do I look or do I turn away? . . . This time I stayed.
When the small sparrow slumped over, my heart felt the journey that my vision denied me. The soul is a mysterious thing, but it is very real. I ached at the loss of such a joyous little creature, but I witnessed a transition of that joy as it soared up to the other side. It’s given me a lot to think about on a humdrum Thursday evening, and this thought stands out most of all:
Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. ~ Matthew 10:29-31
Today the sun finally decided to shine like it meant it.
I lay back in delight letting the warmth seep into my skin.
I found myself gazing into the first truly blue sky in weeks
And wondering at the clouds like I was a kid again.
Clouds are the tai chi and yoga masters of the sky.
Ever changing from one form into another.
Never fixated on one position for too long.
Drifting in and out of various attitudes at will.
My eyes settled on a puffy mass above me in the air.
It metamorphosed from turtle, to duck, to volcano
And then split in two like an amoeba under a microscope.
If only humans could divide ourselves like that
And follow all of the conflicting currents inside our hearts.
I continued to consider each new cloud as they floated across the horizon.
The Sun flexed and stretched radiating his joy at awakening from a long sleep.
My two little clouds shivered in the heat and melted away into steam.
Taking with them any lingering cares or worries of the morning.
I walked back inside invigorated. Ready for whatever adventure came next.
I wanted to apologize for my lack of consistent posts on EclecticEmily.com. 2015 was a big year full of highs and lows. Such is the human experience. I had some personal struggles that kicked me off course for a while, but I am embracing the new year with optimism. I am truly excited for all of the great adventures ahead. Here are a few updates on what you can expect from me in 2016.
This site is the place to find my personal thoughts and writing. We live in such an interesting world. I am captivated by so many subjects that I’ll never settle on just one. I am just as eclectic now as I’ve always been. My hope is that you will come here to find a little inspiration, and I hope you will use that inspiration to feed creativity in your own lives. Life is meant to be lived together, and this little blog is my voice in the world’s chorus. I want to encourage you to share your voice as well in whatever form suits you best.
Coming soon, I am thrilled to be re-launching my podcast “The Vibrant Life” this month. This is a project that has been simmering in my imagination/heart for some time, and I can’t wait to share it with you. “Living the Vibrant Life” is a phrase I came up with that simply means to live as fully and joyfully as you can. I hope you will join me in my attempts to discover exactly what that means.
I also plan to continue with EclecticEmily’s Reading Room. This is a simple site where you can find my personal recommendations for good reads. Books have been and always will be such a big part of my life. I started the reading room as a sort of online log of favorite books I’ve read, and it has grown from there.
Finally, I just want to thank all of you for your wonderful support. Even though I haven’t been posting regularly, I have received a lot of encouragement and kind comments. Thank you for taking the time to visit the site and for all that you do to share the love here. I have the best followers! Keep up the good work, and live the vibrant life!
I wrote this song a couple years ago. It is so important to me to remember the true meaning of Christmas. I felt like sharing it again. All my best to you and yours during this holiday season. I hope you have a very merry Christmas!
I am broken.
Sharp pieces cut inside;
leftovers of what I thought I was.
But the world spins fast;
Rearranging my jumbled life into new perspectives.
And the Sun will rise in a few hours.
All I have to do is wait for the Light,
And the next pattern will shine through.
Repeating what once was,
But is now made new.
Sometimes you just have to embrace your inner nerd, and that is the truth that brought the world this picture. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my sister about watching one of my favorite shows, Xena: Warrior Princess. She smiled and asked, “Didn’t you just finish watching that a few months ago?”
“Well” I said, ” There’s Star Trek and there’s Xena, and they’re both guilty pleasures.”
This statement was apparently so funny that it got around to all of my friends. The next thing I know, I receive the picture below as one of the all time best birthday presents ever. So here’s a big thank you to the talented Leah Ferguson for this incredible piece of art!
I would also like to thank the creators and actors of two of my favorite shows. When you put amazingness like that into the world, the influence it has is boundless. . .